A good day for fake pearl earrings.

This post contains:

The joys of self-googling
<3A glimpse into the weird world of visual elements in the porn industry.
(Regarding the above: I may actually have to write an entire post on that very strange topic.)
<3Literature Review (Rant)
<3A Deep Thought.
<3A pink dancing robot.
<3A link to the secrets of the number 42.

I was reading a link from the latest webZen and decided to peruse further into the bloggist's entries. There's an entry about googling his high-school ex-girlfriend where he satisfyingly googles himself [man, that sounds deliciously dirty], so I decided to give it a try.

I typed in "serenity nichols" (in the quotes) and here's what I got.

The first two links are from a local Oregon nursery from whom my parents mail-order seeds. I think it is interesting that they end a sentence with my first name and begin the next with my last. We've always joked about how it's our nursery.

Link number three is legit; it's where I work.

But, um...

The last one is boggling. I would have explored it further to find out where one would have the occasion to use my first and last names on a site like that, but alas, I am at work. Uncle Big Brother might not like my delving into a porn site with headings like "cum Filled panties" and "his first gay sex." Dammit.

Why!? Oh why is my name on a porn site? If you just type in Serenity Nichols (without quotes), you get sites like this. Apparently, there's a lovely lady named Stacy Nichols who also "advertises" here. I love the prevalence of photos showing women with their hair blowing all willy-nilly, slightly parted lips, and "bedroom" eyes that make them look like they're on valium. And a few of them look like drag queens. Yes!

Anyway, I am disturbed. What if someone stole my name to make a horny farm-girls movie? That is just not right. At least not without paying me some damned royalties.

I am reading "The Da Vinci Code" right now and I really hate it. The concepts--conspiracy involving major works of art, a secret society, the Catholic church, the Holy Grail, and Goddess worship--are very interesting, but Dan Brown is such a shitty writer. Now, I have read some ve-------ry trashy mysteries in my time, but despite the formulaic nature, I don't feel as though my intelligence is being questioned. Dan Brown enjoys writing for the readers who need/want to be hand-held. In fact, Brown even wipes your ass for you too! I realize that it is a nice convention to explain terms and concepts that most people would not immediately understand, but there are more clever and less demeaning ways to get your point across than launching into a chapter-long. Forgive me a moment while I search for a passage....

"Saint-Sulpice, like most churches, had been built in the shape of a giant Roman cross. Its long central section--the nave--led directly to the main altar, where it was transversely intersected by a shorter section, known as the transept."

Seriously, there must be a better way. I realize that some people do not know the basic layout of churches, but I know that Brown could have somehow informed his readers without actually writing: known as a transept. Perhaps I pick nits, but I'd like to think of it as instead picking knits, unraveling the phenomenon that is this inexplicably popular book. I will admit that I am almost finished and the ride has been fun, but I would like to ask Mr. Brown to try collaborating on his next project. Tell your interesting ideas to a ghost writer!

Whew.

And so. I would like to sign off with a brief message from Jack Handey, an early student of Renjitsu (without his knowledge, of course) and an interesting photo.

A deep thought:
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.




**In the words of the sauced and shrill woman at Gravy last night:
Love It!

There is some really weird shit on the internet. (See double asterisk above for personal feelings)

Live long and prosper.