Renjitsu

2011-04-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

Whoa, puppy, it's been awhile! Library school is kicking my ass, but I've also been going hard at the job. Follow along with one of my many Tumblrs to see disjointed thoughts in action....

Magpie
a random assortment of shiny things

Gems
Books, weird bookish things, library stuff, etc.

fuckyeahtroposphere
a collaborative curation of earth's most snuggly 'sphere, by me and DDV.

an open letter to magazine editors/publishers

2010-07-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

dear magazine editors/publishers,
please consider always dating your issues, including volume and issue numbers, and placing them in easy-to-find locations. like your masthead, for example. it would certainly cut down on my copy-cataloging time and leave me more for my other chores. while i do love perusing your magazine and/or website frantically searching for publication information, trawling the depths of subscription databases, or digging through back issues for clues, i really don't have the time. (i did have time, however, to write this because SOME publications include all their information.)

thank you very much.

sincerely,
serenity ibsen
librarian-in-training

the pill

2009-04-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

I dreamed that I had a weird bump behind my tonsil. I could feel it protruding from my neck near my lymph nodes. Super disturbing. After poking it around a bit, I reached inside my mouth to pull it out and it turned out to be a pill that had gotten stuck.

Cauchemars!

2009-04-14T12:20:00.001-07:00

I'd like to start a series of drawings, etc. that are illustrations of dreams or elements thereof. I know, that's like sooooo cliché, but I do have really weird dreams.

Stay tuned for last night's drawing of "Pill stuck in the tonsil" dream.

the master cleanse

2009-03-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Warning: the following blogs will probably contain references to bodily functions.

Yesterday was Day One of biannual cleanse. Bill began on thursday. Thursday I celebrated the beginning of spring break by eating a juicy cheeseburger and drinking a fewish beers. Not the best way to prepare oneself for a cleanse, but there you have it. Friday morning began with a low-level headache that persisted in varying intensity throughout the day.

My volunteer gig as a reader for SMART went smoothly until the girl I read with asked, "did the dinosaurs all die because they didn't listen to Jesus?" How does one answer a question like that? My instinct was, "well, the dinosaurs all lived before Jesus." But I was experiencing a distinct tightness behind my eyes and couldn't think well on the fly.

Here's the concoction I'm cleansing with, including our variations at the end:
Stanley Burroughs' Master Cleanser
(from Staying Healthy with the Seasons, by Elton Haas, M.D.)

2 tbs fresh squeezed lemon juice or lime juice
1-2 tbs pure maple syrup
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper
8 oz spring water

Bill likes it less sweet, so he puts in less maple syrup. We use grade B because we read somewhere that it has more nutrients than grade A due it being less refined. Also, in the efforts of full disclosure, we don't use fresh squeezed lemon. Instead we use Santa Cruz Organic lemon juice. It's 100 % pure, not from concentrate and costs less than buying lemons. With lemons between 79 and 89-cents each, it would cost at least $13 for as many lemons (16). Cayenne is to taste.

Last night I had some laxative tea. I made one from scratch with senna, a little ginkgo for brain power, and some chamomile for flavor and relaxation.

2 tsp senna
2 tsp chamomile
1 tsp gingko

Steeped for about 10-15 minutes. I also took one dosage of Super Colon Cleanse. I'm not sure which was the impetus for my "elimination" but it worked.

Saturday, day two
I woke up with a headache and decided to go straight to an internal salt water bath/intestinal cleanse. This is one of the most disgusting things ever. You'd think that during a cleanse a little salt would be a treat. At first it's like a salty warm broth, but after about 24 ounces and more to go, it's soooo gross. I didn't make it through all 32 ounces because the headache is already making me feel nauseous. I am now waiting for the effects of the "bath". NOte: don't leave the house for about an hour after drinking the salt water. Unless you're near a toilet and you're super comfortable there.

2 tsp sea salt
1 quart (32 oz) lukewarm water
drink it all in one sitting, first thing in the morning.

As soon as the elimination process is over, I'll drink some (very welcome) lemonade concoction and watch some more x files. There's a certain point when I do this cleanse where the headaches, irritability, food thoughts, and grumpiness go away and the euphoria sets in. I can't wait for that part. Until then, I'm going to hole up and watch dvds.

will it so

2009-02-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

oh presidents' day. i would like to thank you for free parking because i was too late this morning to ride my bike.

in the spirit of asking the universe for what you want, i'm going to put it out there that i'd really love a maple bar. perhaps this is one i'll have to make happen myself, but sometimes when i wish for things, they happen.

for example:
i had my nails done by a student in the glorious hue of Gold Get 'Em by Revlon. she said that this particular shade was really hard to find and she was nearing the end of the bottle. meredith had been painting her friends' nails this color to bring about some manicure mojo and decided to extend her magic to PNCA. i took her up on the offer and while getting gilded we had a really interesting conversation about documentation. (and that's a whole other entry with thoughts on oral traditions, archives, crafts, etc.)

anyway, the day after this i was out running errands by bike and sunshine. i was using the atm when i noticed that there was a walgreen's across the street. generally i'm a lazy one-stop-shopper and get all my cosmetics, lady things, and groceries from fred meyer, but i decided to go into the walgreen's to see if they had a specific item. right inside the door was a wall of cosmetics. i could see a bottle of gold nail polish as i approached but i thought, "surely not Gold Get 'Em..." well, it was. and it was the last one. i have yet to give it to meredith, but hopefully i will soon.

last friday i attended a conference with my boss, a colleague from another library, and my coworker. during lunch we were anticipating the announcement of door-prizes. i turned to sara, my coworker, and said, "you're going to win a door-prize. represent!" well, she did win a prize. and then i won a prize. honestly, my reasons were a bit malicious, but in the end, we were both really happy with our prizes.

so, maple bar.... maple bar... maybe it only works when it's not a selfish thing.

what's your favorite animal?

2009-01-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

penguin! no, unicorn!

et voila... penguicorn, by darya farhoodi

dracaena, breakfast panini, macramé

2009-01-09T14:58:00.000-08:00

this is the secret of happiness.

i so desperately wanted a bagel and cream cheese this morning -- like i usually do -- but didn't want to trek that entire two blocks to the urban grind to procure one. instead i went to the daily (.5 blocks away) and got a breakfast panini. there's really nothing much tastier than bacon, cheese, eggs and bread.

yesterday joan and i decided that my little "lucky bamboo" plant was always in the way. i've knocked it over myself a bunch of times and since it's a hydrocultured baby the water gets everywhere. probably not the best thing right in front of your computer or the phone. anyhow, we decided that suspending it in its little jar from a pipe would be fun. my plant was a gift from maeve and it's the only flora to survive the lightless library. i care for it deeply.

(aside: lucky bamboo isn't actually bamboo. it's a dracaena sanderiana. more of a shrub.)

anyway, here's a picture of the plant in its new home: my first macramé hanger! i raided the internet for some inspiration. and it was so easy. okay, so it's not as pretty as an owl with wooden bead eyes, but hey! i did it all from materials at work.

Secret Happenings in the Lab, Part 2

2008-12-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

woohoo!

I cut one teeny corner of the solidified goo, then I cut that in half. Each piece now about 1 x 1 x .5 inches. I used a heart-shaped cookie cutter and tasted the trim. Delicious!

The box is a mock-up from this template

Here's a picture of the blobs rolled in sugar with their test box:

I think that in order to keep the pieces in top form, it will be advisable to only cut as many as needed at the time. I think the goo will sweat like cranberry sauce and if it has sugar on it, they'll get all melty and weird. I wonder how hard it would be to dip one in chocolate...

Secret Happenings in the Lab

2008-12-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

In early October I was introduced to the best candies in the world. Cranberry Sweet's pure Pates de Fruits. The store in Coos Bay has almost every type of Pate for a gummy lover to sample. I bought some cranberry ones in dark chocolate and a bag of what they call the "trim." These are the super chewy waste pieces cut off the chunks they sell. What flavor.

So when I came across a recipe for these little jewels, I freaked. The Cranberry Sweets site says that theirs take weeks from start to finish, which is AWESOME, but I don't want to commit to that much time if I don't know what I'm doing and their recipe is super secret anyway.

On the internet, all the recipes are for things like apple or mango, but I wanted CRANBERRY. So. That's what I did tonight. While my pan of goo is cooling, I'm going to write a bit about my process. There will probably be multiple addenda because who knows how they'll turn out...

Here's my recipe:
2 bags of frozen cranberries (or fresh)
1 granny smith apple, peeled
2.5 - 3 cups Sugar
1 Tbs unsalted butter
6 oz (2 pouches) liquid pectin. I used Certo brand.

Prepare an 8 x 8 pan with a tin-foil lining and brush the inside with a teeny bit of oil. Set aside.

1. I started by poaching the apple for a while. Recipes I found said that you should do it for 25 minutes, but if you do, you'll need to strain the bits that fall off into the water. One medium granny smith apple doesn't make much purée, but it tastes delicious. I synthesized three recipes and was trying for 2 cups of purée total. Two bags of cranberries make almost two cups of purée, so that's where the apple helps.

2. To purée the cranberries:
In a medium saucepan bring some water to a boil. Dump in cranberries. When skins start to pop open, drain cranberries. (The juice is pretty and tastes kinda good. Maybe tea?)

Toss the cranberries into a blender with about 1/4 cup of the cranberry juice and blend until smooth.

3. Dump the resulting purée into a mesh strainer over a bowl that is at least the diameter of the strainer. With a rubber spatula or a spoon back squish the cranberries through the strainer. Scrape the purée that gathers on the strainer into the bowl. Keep going until you feel like your hand is going to fall off and the stuff in the strainer starts to look like just skins.

I basically did the same thing with the apple, but I first cut out the core and chopped it to bits.

5. Ok. Here's the good part. Eat dinner and watch Heroes.

6. When you're done with dinner, dump all the purée into a medium saucepan with the sugar. Stir until well-blended while you bring it to a boil. Lower heat to medium or medium-high or the stuff will spit out like hot magma and burn you. Stir constantly for about four minutes and then stir in the butter. Keep stirring and boiling until the stuff seems thicker. About 5 minutes.

7. Remove from heat and stir in the pouches of pectin. Make sure to stir it in well and then pour into prepared pan.

Notes:
My strainer is small, so I did one bag of cranberries at a time. There's got to be a better way, but I have to say that the smooshing of cranberries is a bit meditational.

I checked on my setting goo and it jiggled! I read somewhere that apples and cranberries have natural pectin and are a good choice for this type of recipe, but I hope it doesn't get too solid.

Here's a crappy picture of the pectin and the goo in the pan:

Updates to come!

strata

2008-12-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

the beautiful snowy sunday turned into a blustery 20-degree monday. i wore more layers than my poor little body could handle.

layer 0: bra, undies, wool blend socks
layer 1: tank top, silk long underwear
layer 2: short-sleeved t-shirt, pants, boots
layer 3: long-sleeved t-shirt
layer 4: wool sweater, neck-tie as scarf
layer 5: cashmere overcoat, pashmina shawl, beret

people who live in cold climates must do a LOT of laundry.

Serendipity

2008-12-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

A series of extremely fortunate events.

This afternoon I took myself to breakfast at the Beaterville cafe. They use an interesting font on their menus. I copied this one:

I realized as I was finishing that I'd left my wallet at home, so I 'fessed up to the server and she let me run home to get it. Whew. After I paid and was unlocking my bike, a denizen of the neighborhood asked if I wanted to see the crucifix collection next door at the little vintage shop.

I'd never been into this shop before, but had always wondered what treasures were inside. The proprietress showed me the lot of crucifixes she'd bought at an estate sale, AND I found the most awesome thing for my mom. Which I shan't write here in case someone who knows her relates the info...

Anyway, I have to go back tomorrow because she doesn't take cards. Hopefully tomorrow is as glorious as today and I can ride my bike down there.

Later...

I was going to set up my desk to do some work, but realized that I didn't have a bulb for my lamp. I rode my bike to Fred Meyer and on the way home got to witness an amazing sunset. Think Maxfield Parrish on ACID. Unfortunately my photos don't do the glory of nature justice, however, upon approaching my apartment, I was surrounded by a mob of Santas.

Sigh, what a day.

a few notes on things learned

2008-12-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

whoa. thanksgiving was spectacular. here are some things i learned over the past few days:

1. trust new seasons and their how-to booklets. they gave us one that included info on ordering, brining, and roasting our turkey. and the turkey... succulent. perfect. brining is surely the way to go.

2. when people bring dishes, they leave with them and the only dishes you have to do are the plates and big pots! amazing.

3. you can feel sexy in skinny jeans, you just have to prepare yourself well to shop for them. here's how:
*though you are going to the mall (or in my case, Ross dress for less), take the time to spruce up a little. no one cares what you look like, but when you're standing in that filthy dressing room under fluorescent lights, you'll be glad you brushed your hair and put on a little blush.
*wear your favorite underwear because, let me tell you, those skinny jeans are tight and you want your butt to look as good as it can.
*shop at Ross. i can't condone the throwaway spirit, but if you hate those skinny jeans in a month, hell, they were only $14.99. you can turn them into denim arm-warmers or something.

4. when using a potato peeler to skin large amounts of ginger, wear eye protection because ginger juice BURNS when it gets in your eyes. as a matter of fact, maybe you should wear a mask because it also burns the nose.

5. i look good in a beret. and i don't care that you think i'm a nerd.

merci, gracias, asante, danke, spasibo

2008-11-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

can thanksgiving be the new christmas? we could sing thanksgiving carols, share what we're thankful for, eat good foods, and hang out with people we like. let's take thanksgiving back from its terrible history! celebrate thanksgiving eve and day. go see a movie the day after instead of shopping. the cornucopia can be like a stocking with nuts and tangerines and chocolates.

i'm a genius.

today bill picks up the 24+ pounds turkey and we (hopefully)start abrinin' that bird. tomorrow we'll cook and clean like crazy for our 10-12 guests. i'm so excited.

i'm thankful for (in no particular order)
the health of my friends and family
my siblings' children
my job
my husband
my new boss
cheese bagels
president obama
stretchy jeans
my individuality
the internet
dogs
colors
art

p.s. no possession can really be called mine until there's coffee, alcohol and dog spit and chew marks on it. my new moleskine is ready to go.

nibs 'n' ink

2008-11-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

i bought a little moleskine sketchbook to practice my letters. (i also bought a second gridded one that is, as yet, virgin.)

here's my halloween homage. mmm, walnut ink.

make it sew!

2008-11-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

it's blustery and storming here, but i arrived to work warm and only a tad moist. i've spent the morning doing some internet shopping and crafting research for christmas presents for the fam and friends. i think i have some great ideas, but need to get off the ass and get to work. some of my ideas will need supplies and others a few weeks to make.

what i need to do is get on a project-management binder à la Monsieur DeFrank and his Amazing Spectacular Thanksgiving binder.

here are a few internet sites that have been offering some inspiration:

the tasty online face of Craft Magazine

Benita in Sweden posts projects to her blog Chez Larsson. Great pics!

Inside a Black Apple. Cute, classy.

Bolt on Alberta. i just gotta find a reason to shop here. they have buttons you'd generally never find in one place and fabrics to make your eyes drool (yes, this is a thing that happens). too bad their website is so spare.

I've never tried the patterns from Sublime Stitching but I have been meaning to get back into embroidery. i'd like to embroider some dinner napkins and some hankies.

art to talk about

2008-11-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

i've been seeing Wangechi Mutu's work around in magazines. It's so sumptuous. Her collagey things are elegant and grotesque, beautiful and frightening. I'm not going to bring up the culture and gender themes in her work; right now I just like to look at them. Yummy.

here's an image from the Saatchi Gallery:

aka the pubis and the ulnar nerve

2008-11-10T08:54:00.000-08:00

my depth perception or equilibrium is off today because i keep bumping into stuff. i hit my crotch on my keyboard tray and then my funny bone on the shelf in the bathroom. what is up?

This book makes me feel gemütlich.

2008-11-09T16:26:00.001-08:00

I was at Powell's on a me-date looking for some books on typography and i found Fraktur Mon Amour, by Judith Schalansky. It's so beautiful; I love it. This fat little sexy book isn't like any typography book I've ever seen.

It's 8 x 5 inces of black, white, and pink and includes a disc of 150 fonts for your delectation. The 720 pages are filled with Blackletter fonts and crazy beautiful patterns made from an element of the type.

from the amazing and wonderful website/blog i love typography:

After my visit with this book at Powell's I convinced my boss to get it for the library. I now have it at home and am trying not to drool all over the pages. I'm not sure what it is about Blackletter and its babies that make me feel enraptured, but there it is. To see more glorious images from this book, take a look at the site Ministry of Type. Ooooooh.

We have the English-language (second edition) version and in the forward by the author I found this word:

Gemütlichkeit.

A German word that has been adopted into the English language, Gemülichkeit, is a noun that connotes coziness. (See schadenfreude.) But it's not just the coziness of a cup of tea at a toasty fireside. It's a feeling of warmth and belonging. What a great word for the holidays. Now I just need to figure out how to say it.

here's another book i look forward to perusing:

Mexican Blackletter

Yes, we can!

2008-11-06T13:27:00.000-08:00

we did it.

i still get a little verklempt.

i'm so proud!

President Obama!

let's barack and roll, kids

2008-11-03T22:33:00.001-08:00

bill and i made some votives for election day.

eff fashion

2008-10-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

tonight's dinner:
quinoa with a sprinkling of gomasio
red lentils with seaweed and indian spices
fresh corn from sauvie island
yum

it was suggested to me today that my bigotry over skinny jeans was misplaced. one thing i can say for the latest fashion trends is that i've seen bigger girls wearing leggings and short skirts and looking cute and confident. i sometimes wonder how much being a teen in the early 90s affected me and friends' body image. i mean, NO ONE looks good in tapered, high-wasted, pleated jeans.

evidence:

come on! jennie garth is hot and she looks weird and dumpy in those pants. ew.

i don't know. maybe i'll get a pair of skinny jeans. with today's stretchy-fabric technology, they are probably fairly comfortable...

we're no strangers to love

2008-10-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

i love random and fairly stupid things.

like this:

i don't know who made it or where it came from, but it's pure dorky genius. now i have to see if their statistics are correct, or if they just made a pie chart without really doing the math.

the darkness

2008-10-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

i'm not really into this whole dark thing when i'm waking, the dark thing when i'm on my way to work, and the dark thing that stays because it's overcast and pouring.

i love portland and i love the rain, but today, i'm not happy about the darkness.

a new project

2008-10-19T00:53:00.001-07:00

maybe it's 'cause it's 1:25 a.m., but i think i just came up with a genius plan. i shall draw 100 letter Qs. it's an interesting letter and i usually pick that one to copy from a font, so i might as well make a project out of it...

gothic versals

uncials and textura miniscule

some Q tail types

belizio, falstaff, and bell

in which i don't participate in 24-hour comics day

2008-10-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

i'm working the 8-2 shift for the 24-hour Comics Day. looks like there's some amazing stuff so far. (the participants are about to begin their 12th hour!) we had an injection of coffee from the awesome and asskicking backspace. hot, dark, and plenty.

we also picked up the 5-pizza donation from Hotlips. i think i have a sickness because I can eat pizza forever. if i didn't stop myself, i could eat those 5 large pizzas in the back room. even the one with corn on it.

however, i am getting sick, so i limited myself to only 3 slices. so far.

yesterday i celebrated the glorious sunshiney fall weather with jess, lara, and leah by taking a drive to sauvie island.

for those not-in-the-know, sauvie island is a strange little pocket of agriculture and beauty just north of portland. during the fall there are corn mazes and pumpkin patches! honestly, i'm so in love with sauvie island... to get there from my place one must drive over the spectacular st. john's bridge. it's a super tall and green suspension bridge with two gothic spires. when you get to the west end it's all forested and it seems like you're entering a new land.

i gotta go drink some more coffee. maybe post later.

clear out that cobwebby brainattic!

2008-10-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

here's a headline from Advertising Age:
Agencies Sweat as Clients Look Less Liquid

Ew.

And for something a little more scholarly, I found a quote that has been rolling around in my head like a glass marble in a metal bowl.

From Oregon Library Association Quarterly, Fall 2008:
Read something interesting once a day, at least. Read "one level up" or outside your area of expertise. Read related literature... Try to get a sense of what is ahead of you, not what's already happened.
-Deb Carver
Dean of Libraries,
University of Oregon

This is really hard to remember. Sometimes, I only read the computer screen for work and then the back-side of a DVD cover while sitting on the couch. Even if I'm not "reading up" I think I'll try to learn something new every day. For example, you may have noticed that there is only one space after my periods. This is because a designer/illustrator friend told me that double-spacing at the end of a sentence is like, sooooo 1995. (Not a quote, italics are mine.) I was practicing some hand-lettering and read in a book on typography from 2005 the same thing. So no more double-spacing!

rosy fingers of dawn

2008-10-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

i took the bus to work monday in the dark. it was beautiful and chilly out.

there was an old man on the bus who had a big orange button on the crown of his meshback cap that said: i am riding the bus.

the possible implications of this button made me laugh and made me sad.

weeee-oooooo

2008-10-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if there's a funny cyclical occurrence where every 3 to 4 years you run into people from your past. I ran into some friends from college with their 3-year old daughter while I was waiting for the bus. They're pregnant again and look happy and healthy.

Today, one of the new instructors realized that we had a practicum together in college. The last time I saw her was at the Horsehead in Eugene and she told me to read Cabinet magazine. (Which I now have a subscription for and is my favorite magazine of all time.) Of course! That's why her name looked so familiar on the new faculty list!

Weird; I wonder who I'll see next.

phoenixian

2008-10-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

my friends lost their house recently to a fire. years of correspondence, love letters, art, books, and almost their dog and cat. perished or semi-immolated.

i am so sad for them and sometimes the sadness is physically painful. but they are the kind of people who use their infinite creativity to make life more wonderful.

witness their new blog.

photos of things lost, melted, morphed are beautiful and touching. i don't know what it's like to watch your life go up in flames. just days after getting married and weeks before beginning their master's degrees.

a blog about a blog

2008-10-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

One of my photos was used as an illustration for a blog entry on this website: See Also... A library weblog, by Steve Lawson

Here's the closing line:
But if we want to want to show them the richness of the complicated, multifaceted, multi-format environment that is the modern day academic library, I can’t think of a worse way to teach that than with newspaper obituaries.

The funny thing about this is that I took that photo while working for the Oregon Newspaper Project at the University of Oregon. We microfilmed over one hundred current titles and old issues of the Oregonian.

That microfilm ball was a long time in the making. My boss, a film aficionado and amazing photographer, was always the first to defend microfilm. "It has a shelf life of 800 years! And what if all the computers crash?!" She is actually infinitely more eloquent than my paraphrase. Afterall, she's the person who taught me the word "maven." And in context.

Now I work in a small art-based academic library and we are always looking for new and exciting ways to promote information literacy. I agree with Mr. Lawson in that forcing people to find print sources of death notices is not the way to do this. The last time a student asked after print obituaries, it was for an art project.

soup sunday

2008-10-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

it's soup time again and i'm a little sad and a lot excited. (love soup.)

the rains are finally here and jess, lara, and i inaugurated autumn with a trip to the southern oregon coast where lara grew up. it POURED. sometimes the sun would come out and we'd get excited because we'd be in the car on the way to the next destination. but inevitably, once we exited the car, the rains would come back. there's an amazing storm-watching spot near coos bay and thankfully a little shelter. but you can't take photos of the scariest stuff unless you have a waterproof camera.

oh yeah, soup.

i returned home this afternoon and lamented the need to go to the store. upon excavating my refrigerator, though, i found that i had some ingredients for a soup:
golden beets
russet potatoes
onion
garlic
celery
mushrooms

i've never made a soup with this combo before, but it looks nice. we'll see how it turns out in a bit.

i'm also not doing any laundry because THAT is a chore, but i have fresh undies, socks, trousers, and a funny grey suit i bought on the coast for 25-cents.

life, as they say, is good.

journey to the west

2008-10-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

i'm going on a coastal adventure with two of my best girlfriends this weekend.

here's how i imagine it:
mist unfurling through the trees and craggy roadways
drinking hot chocolate and talking about men
wearing chunky, nordic sweaters, but somehow looking slim and gorgeous

yep, it's a lifetime movie.

more probably, we'll be dirty and wet and tired, but very satisfied.

hooray!

the weirdest thing i've seen in a while

2008-10-01T15:54:00.000-07:00

a billboard in an ethnically mixed neighborhood recruiting people for border patrol. the image is a scary, black-clad, and bulbous-helmeted guy on an ATV.

i thought it was a joke. but it's not.

neatoland

2008-09-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

this is neat.

Portland Art Open

artists all over town open their homes, studios, etc to the public for one weekend. my friend meghan and her roomie are showing art in their apartment. anyone want to join me for a perusal?

here's one of meg's works:

doggity!

2008-09-22T20:29:00.001-07:00

the dogs do not obey me. even when i say "do not make me pull this car over."

gaw.

l'esprit d'escalier

2008-09-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

i made a movie at work yesterday. it's about a boy and his journey. i'm still working out the soundtrack.

on my way home from work, i saw the big orange sun setting. it dawned on me. i was inside during almost all daylight hours. soon i won't see the sun for months. sigh.

also the new computer is amazing.

equilateral quadrilateral

2008-09-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

o beautiful magical bagel
you are saving my life this morning

i didn't play with the new computer last night because i stayed out too late celebrating erin's birthday. my favorite part was when erin and i made computer connection noises to tease liz about her dial-up internet. "beeboobeeboo. badang badang. screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

anyway. the imac is The Shit. the screen is so big and bright.

sigh.

this morning the u.s. bancorp building looked like someone had installed neon along its weird squished rhomboid edge. ever since i read that its nickname is Big Pink, i think of it as such even though i HATE that name. it is pink, though. and this morning it was GLOWING pink. i hate getting up early but i love mornings.

succulent smoked trout

2008-09-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

we had a great, late dinner last night for betsy's birthday at Clyde Common. It was delicious and fun. One of the servers there is a library patron and we were blabbing about T:BA and he mentioned that Reggie Watts always stays at the connected hotel when in Portland. AND then Reggie Watts came in. I couldn't get Bill to go say hi, but it's okay, because I wouldn't have either. I'm shy about that stuff. Reggie Watts is just a guy. But he's also a smart and talented guy.

anyway, I think Betsy had fun on her birthday. Oh, I love September. BIRTHDAYPALOOZA!

invented in 1822!

2008-09-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

if you walk around with a mechanical pencil behind your ear, don't be startled when the leads slide to and fro. it's not a rattlesnake.

uuuuuuuuuuugh

2008-09-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

things to remember:
*creatures with innumerable legs can run very very fast.
*they are probably more terrified than you.
*no need to deride oneself as a "stupid screaming girl." no one likes fast-running arthropods. well, almost no one.
*i'm not sure whether it would have been better if i didn't have my contacts in. i would have never noticed it...

this was in my bathroom this morning. i don't care if it's "considered among the most beneficial creatures that inhabit human dwellings," i put it outside.

anamorphous

2008-09-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

1. Reggie Watts is the shit.

2. dream: Me, Jess, Bill, Morgan, Josh, Bill and Clay piled into the cab of Clay's truck. (Yep, 7 people in a pickup cab.) CLay revved the engine and as we were buckling our seatbelts I heard him say, "roads? Where we're going, we don't need... roads." We all started laughing and Clay shot the truck into the night. Dawn broke over the horizon as we barreled through a pine forest. I screamed a rollercoaster scream and kicked my legs out over the tops of the branches. Clay swooped the truck low over an orchard and we careened through the blooming trees.

3. Clay's the one who told Bill and me to go see Reggie Watts...

boring blog about fun times

2008-09-06T17:18:00.001-07:00

I went to an event by myself last night and ended up having some unexpected fun with people I don't usually see socially. It was refreshing. Though the performance was not.

Tonight is a BBQ for Tony's parents who are visiting from Virginia. This should be fun!

haven't done laundry in weeks...

2008-09-03T20:02:00.001-07:00

...luckily i bought some new clothes this weekend!

day two of fall semester and i'm already exhausted. i do have to be there at 7:30 and it's difficult to go to sleep before midnight. even with sleepytime tea and dogs to snuggle with.

my new boss is still learning the ropes and while he's a quick study, it's just us until 4:30, so neither of us really gets a break. add to that 100 new students who are nervous, excited, confused, irritated, etc., and we're sort of a hub for information. well, naturally. our student workers haven't started yet, but i'm really looking forward to the group we hired this year. they're a mixed lot, but they have at least one common thing: a love of the library.

i love my job again.

perhaps soon professor umbridge will be carried away by the centaurs...

oh yeah! one of the teachers told me that she was trying to look professional for the first week of classes. i guess her husband said, "most professional people iron their dresses and wear a bra." well, she's my kind of professional!

no title; too irritated and tired

2008-09-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

i saw a girl on the bus reading a book and she kept smiling. when she sat in front of me, i tried to read over her shoulder and decided that it was either a mystery or a romance novel.

so we're trying to quit smoking again. and i just watched the first episode of mad men. not only does everyone in their 60s-world smoke every chance they get, but the episode was about smoking. the characters talk about it abstractly, they discuss how everyone loves to do it... even the gynecologist smokes during a pap. fercrissakes people!

okay, that's it. it's only the third day and i don't feel too bad, but i'm annoyed with the show. i'm gonna go watch another episode with the dogs.

no labor for me today

2008-09-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

labor day. a day off for the working citizens. this might be the first job i've ever had where i get federal holidays. i mean, in retail, they stay open as much as possible. even more so than "buy nothing day," i feel a little guilty shopping today. i do need some clothes, though. most of my shirts have holes or stink-monsters dwelling in the armpits. it's okay to buy new clothes every ten years...

i did splurge on saturday when i went shopping with EMS. we went to sephora which is a bad bad place. in a good way. i love cosmetics and toiletries. and they give you little samplers of perfume to take home. i'm trying euphoria by calvin klein and vanilla blossom by lavanilla. i also got blue mascara and some sparkly purple eyeliner. sigh. so many choices.

update on the double cheeseburger situation: i ate 3. over the course of the day. ick.

McWha?

2008-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

it's bad enough that i went to mcdonald's for lunch, but i also accidentally bought 4 double cheeseburgers. even though the girl repeated my order to me, i swear she said "a number 4 with cheese." oops. so now, i am the proud owner of 4 double cheeseburgers. i don't even know if i can eat 2.

oh well. apparently they were only $1 each.

gimme that bling

2008-08-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

i'm not doing such a good job of keeping up with this right now. student orientation is finally over and we've done most of our interviews for student workers and i STILL haven't done everything i need to do to prepare for the new semester. i'm forbidden from overtime, so i just can't get everything done.

add to that a staff-member out sick for two weeks, a new boss, and season 5 of the wire. criminy, i'm tired.

but today after work i called on my friend betsy at her jewelry studio in NW portlan. i bought myself a little gift of some glorious earrings and a sasstastic necklace. her line is called betsy and iya and without much training, betsy makes some of the best jewelry i've seen. and it's affordable. no, not like claire's boutique, but she's got some gorgeous things for a variety of budgets.

tomorrow is some shopping with ems, esq. i hate shopping, but she knows the good places. plus, we'll be doing a thing that doesn't include booze or karaoke!

I just want to thank everybody I've ever met in my entire life.

2008-08-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

oh man, i missed a few posts, but it's been a crazy few days.

our film won the best of Portland in the 48 Hour FIlm Project. (And Best Writing.) I'm overwhelmed and stunned and proud.

Hold yer horses...

2008-08-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

My boss told me yesterday that my behavior was "bitchy" and that I was "unprofessional." Am I so used to her shenanigans that I didn't realize that calling me "bitchy" IS unprofessional? This had to be pointed out to me by three different people. It was one of those situations where one must hold one's tongue for fear of explosion. It was the proverbial pot calling the kettle black.

See previous post on H for more of the inappropriate work/boss behavior.

Another one about food.

2008-08-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

Not only do I LOVE having a market across the street from where I live, I LOVE that it's an Asian market. Prices are extremely low and I can find everything I need to make tom ka. They also have produce, kitchenware, and all sort of treats.

Yesterday I bought the most delicious drink ever: Chin Chin Aloe Vera and Mixed Fruit Juice Drink. It was a fantastic blend of pineapple, orange, guava, banana, passion fruit, mango and apple juices with chunks of aloe vera pulp floating in it. So good. Bubble ain't got nothing on this juice. I almost bought the straight guava/aloe drink, but the guy suggested the mixed fruit. I appreciate when people feel comfortable offering their opinions on stuff you've never had before. Especially when it turns out to be your new favorite thing.

For treats I bought some hot fruit beef jerky, Vietnamese instant coffee in a cute little plastic box, and a packet of coconut macaroons from a local Asian bakery. Oh yeah, I also got potatoes and a purple yam for dinner. All this cost me around $8.

I LOVE Vieng Lao. Too bad they're only open until 8.

smooshy goodness

2008-08-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

my nephew is a very large baby. luckily he is sweet and smiley. i usually despise blogs that only talk about kids and how cute they are, but i think i can post about MY kids every so often. especially since i'm an auntie and not a parent!

shuffle shuffle

2008-08-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

jess and i swapped our iPod shuffles because we're both sick of our musics and she's on a road-trip. i love hers! i really hope she doesn't hate all the music on mine. my last road-trip was full of prince and radiohead.

mmmmm, hog's fat

2008-08-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

i arrived at work, a bit hungover, wondering what i should eat for breakfast. the warm stench of bus and people had rendered me a bit nauseous, so any old thing just wouldn't do. i didn't think the daily larabar would suffice. here's what was in my work email:

In the best selling reference book of the day, Washington Irving
describes in his 1809 History of New York "balls of sweetened dough,
fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts."

Some balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat can be yours in the
staff kitchen.

oh sigh. i LOVE donuts. a lot.

the cuteness strikes again

2008-08-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

a baby reindeer
(click on him to see the rest...)

i love my niece. she's a great artist.

H to the R

2008-08-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

A friend and I started a blog for which we were going to write once a day. He has since quit, so I think I'll come back to my own blog and try to do a one-a-day here. We'll see how it goes. My last post at H was number 29ish, so I've only got 336 to go. Or at least, I should finish up next July 15 with my final daily post. (I missed a few due to the 48 Hour Film Project and sometimes general drunkenness.)

I can do it!

2008-06-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

I designed this poster for finals week. I was too tired to hunt down one of my designer employees and thus went for a minimalist humor theme.

And Jack left me a drawing again.

Vacation, weekend 1

2008-05-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

I hitched a ride to southern oregon with two of the Zodettes at the last minute and spent the day today building mounds and rows in my parents' garden. I love a good bit of manual labor. (surely i'll be sore tomorrow...) Then my mom and I made some manicotti (as jess says, "sigh, cheese tubes.") with fresh herbs from the herb patch.

The vacation started on thursday with a bit of celebratory happy hour with sean and then a stop by the Bolenbaugh-DeFrank mansion. Though the whiskey-wine combo made the trip south a little uncomfortable, a nice breakfast of taco bell and convo with two smart ladies pepped me up quite a lot.

The chihuahuas, Misses Pennyweather and Tallulah, are as fat as ever and Penny hasn't tried to eat my face off and Lulah loves me because I give her cheese.

Tonight I'll head south to the town of my upbringing to spend an evening with the best friend of my upbringing. This may sound dangerous, but we're old ladies now and can't be bothered to traipse through the woods on multiple drugs anymore. Or can we...

I love vacation.

good morning

2008-05-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

there's a piano in the commons.

right now someone is playing Passenger Seat by Death CAb for Cutie. I love that song.

The Chosen One

2008-05-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Mia curated an alphabet show here in the library and I got "B."

(Concept by Sean Graf. Art, 16 year-old me.)

Aaaah, the cuteness!

2008-04-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

Some more kid art from the walls of PNCA.

I love the kitties spooning.

This next one is hilarious. I think Josh did a self-portrait because right next to this one was a self-portrait by his sister and in it she's crying. So funny.

Nerdulous

2008-02-18T16:38:00.000-08:00

Good Gracious

2007-05-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

A student Post-ited this to my computer today. Whenever my job starts to get to me, something like that happens. Yesterday a student gave me a bar of my favorite soap to thank me for all my help. Why do I think that no one notices? Silly me.

The presence of sketch presents!

2007-04-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

Someone taped this drawing to my computer at work. I love it:

What a nice kittydogfox!

(Addendum: I was showing one of the students how to access the Student Artwork Archives and she said, "Hey, that's my drawing!" Turns out that someone found it in the library and put it on my monitor. Thank you Kah Min Lee for letting my keep your cute drawing!)

And then Meghan did this drawing and gave it to me implying that I called HER a loser. Also, once when her mom came to get her for a holiday, she told her that I beat her and threatened to fire her. Her mom said, "Did you deserve it?" Ha!

I haven't any of my own drawings to share at the moment because they're all in the sketchbook that Bill gave me for Valentine's day and I don't usually lug it to work.

Someone needs to invent:
A bag that is big enough to carry
1. gym clothes, shoes, and accessories
2. necessary daytime objects like a wallet, a planner, umbrella, hats, and chapsticks and pens
3. a largish sketchbook
4. lunches of varying sizes
THat is also
Not cumbersome
THat is also
Very attractive.

(And under $100...)

mythical creatures of dubious quality

2007-04-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

Remember this?

The same artist has a little sketchbook in which he asks other artists to draw a unicorn and a mermaid. I'm going to hide the following drawing in the middle. (I wouldn't just draw in someone's book...)

Yup.

2007-02-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

If Paris Hilton died, I really wouldn't care.

The enigma of the spontaneous shrine.

2007-02-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

To express our sadness over the death of Anna Nicole Smith, we created a small memorial on the desk at my place of business, er slackiness. Upon a black plate, we placed five tealights and had one of our employees create a sign.

As the days have gone by, anonymous notes and personal drawings have appeared. A fantastic likeness and anecdote by one of our superb comic book artists, Terry Blas:

An anonymous drawing and note:

Many people have scoffed and scorned our shrine, but it is in no way ironic to me. I mean, my fascination with celebretards is immense and my feelings of compassion for the Truly Fucked-Up was extended to ANS. I derived much amusement at her antics, but I really respected her for being a bigger woman who was hot and did whatever she wanted. Or at least she seemed to.

See next post for my two favorite ANS notes from the memorial.

One Reason I find it Difficult to Quit my JOb

2006-12-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

My boss left this message for me today. It refers to a co-worker previously mentioned in this entry.

Just another day in libraryland

2006-05-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

This is my day. Sort of.

On my mind.

2006-05-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

l'autoportrait

2006-05-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today I created a self-portrait because I suppose I am too boring to be anyone's muse. Just because I don't rollerskate around and turn into a laser doesn't mean that I wouldn't mind a nice likeness of myself. Sheesh.

Okay, so SOMEONE once took a nice photo of me in a toaster reflection that I quite like, but I don't really look like that anymore...

edit: I lied. I forgot that many of the people I work with like to make up songs about me. I think it's the challenge of finding words that rhyme with "SErenity." My favorite: Wheeee!

Dreaming of Palms

2006-05-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

The Devil's Playground

2006-04-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

2006-04-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

General DJ Riot

2006-04-11T21:27:00.000-07:00

Oh the children...

2006-04-10T17:57:00.000-07:00

...they are so weird. The products of the kids' art classes are in the commons right now. Jason and I call my favorite, "Redheaded Zombie."

No eyes

2006-04-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

Cogitations on the Cranium

2006-04-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

An attempt at portraiture

2006-04-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

In which I almost lose my mind because I am stupid, part 2.

2006-03-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

Worky worky, no big. I didn't take a lunch break because I'm a bit impoverished and I'm meeting Matt for din-din later. Oh Montage, I can already taste the scrumtrilescence of your spold mac (perfect combo of spicy and creamy and garlicky sauce smothering large, ribbed, elbow noodles).

Around 4:30 I went outside to feed the meter and sneak a peak at the end of my book and smoke a cig. When I got back at 4:45, I realized that Alezah wasn't there yet. She's never ever ever late. Uh-oh. The bacteria in my guts took a sudden joyride on a 'coaster and I realized that I had forgotten some very important things about today...

1. Alezah is in Hawaii visiting family and liberating papaya for me
2. The library planner reads: SN 2 - 9:30
3. Alezah's out of town and I had court, so how perfect is that for me to take a snoozy after court and then close for her...

Shit.

Bill came to get me at 5 and took me to the LowBrow for some sustenance (beer and burger). Blake covered the library for over an hour and then chatted with me until he had to go. Jason listened to me babble like a crazy person while I sipped tea and twitched. Thank you, you dear sweet people.

My eyes are bloodshot, my brain is mushy, but I've actually had quite a fun day. I'm sad that I missed the MOntage with Matt and that I have now missed 2 (two!) America's Next Top Models, but over-all it's been a good day. I am currently listening to Xanadu and I think that there's some liquor left at home from the Ho 'n' Gigolo party.

In which I almost lose my mind because I am stupid, part 1.

2006-03-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

thanks to bill, blake, and jason my exxxxxxxtremely long (not pornographically of course) day is 45 minutes away from ending.

here's the rundown:
7 am: wake up (anyone who knows me understands the evisceral experience of me in the wee hours.)
8:10 am: run out the door, coffee in hand to go to court.

8:11 am: shit, out of cigs, stop by astro where creepy dude gives me the schmarmy up-n-down.

8:13 am: on freeway, traffic looking good.

8:25 am: downtown, nice, nice. i can see the courthouse on the other side of the massive bronze elk statue that splits the street. awesome.

8:28 am: no parking on the street, no big, there's a garage.

8:29 am: said garage charges $4.25 per hour or any portion thereof. crap. i have no cash and might have to max out my credit card if 1) my ticket isn't reduced from $355 and 2) they won't let me set up a "plan"

8:30 am: found a spot on 6th floor, run to courthouse

8:35 am: in line for Traffic/Criminal windows after removing my shoes and checking my keys which hold a mini-leatherman tool.

9:35 am: speak to nice Eastern European lady about speeding ticket which gets reduced to $206 because, after all, I am guilty and I was in a construction zone. I sign a paper and then I'm done.

9:49 am: leaving courthouse. could make it home in car and then hop train to work which will make me late about one hour. OR can drive to work, be early one-half hour, pay $6.25 to park for five hours, and smoke a cig. I choose option 2 even after paying $8.50 for one hour and 20 minutes at garage across from courthouse.

10:00 am: work. aaah. slow day in the library, boss in good mood, got a bagel.

To Be Continued...

The last Scribbled Renjitsu, for now.

2006-03-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

Scratchety Scribble page 3.

2006-03-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Scratchety Scribble page 2.

2006-03-28T20:50:00.000-08:00

Scratchety Scribble page 1.

2006-03-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

Accidental Art on the Clock

2006-03-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

I made this. Accidentally. But what a perfect image to summarize my feelings about work today in that I feel completely insane and high:

The batch slide scanner was all effed up, so I was messing with the arm that pushes and pulls the slides into the scanner. Lo and behold, this is what happened.

I love the "Save as Draft" feature!

2006-03-20T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ha hahahahhahahahaha hahahhaa hahaha. I wrote the following in June. Oh, the melodrama! Oh, the cheese!
p.s. Check out my bestest of the best friend's new blog: The Year I Turn 30. I'm turning 30 this year too which may be why I wrote such hideous drivel last summer. Plus, I was really really unhappy.
.........................................

Stupid Tree, by me

Why don't you respect me

Is it the question that starts your blood boiling and your contempt
rising in your throat like burning bile?
The scent of waxing self-doubt draws you to me like a vulture to stinking prey,
but sends you caroming as if the scent has gone sickly.

Fuck you.

I am slow to mend and slow to forgive but far too
quick to love, some say. Haughtily.

"Stunted little bird with stumps for wings,
can't even fly
or eat"

The sun is coming
and when it sears the horizon with redness you will not be anywhere
in the landscape.
A barren, desolate, dry and frightening place.
But the sun is coming.

I wonder...

2006-03-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

...if I could get telekinesis to work for me, would things like aerodynamics and wind-resistance make a difference?

For example: I can imagine sitting here in my chair in the library and summoning the latest issue of Bust magazine to my hand. But. When the power of my mind begins to pull the mag toward me, would it matter if the pages started flapping? Would I lose bits of concentration and drop it, or is it enough that my mind is facilitating my laziness?

Wind-resistance would surely be a factor in the speed with which I receive the magazine, but because I don't really understand the powers of telekinesis, I have no basis for a hypothesis. Yoda tells us that it matters not the size or weight of an object, that one must channel the force and use it to move matter. I always thought similarly, but also that if one understands the make-up of an object one might be able to control it.

Either way, the magazine is not budging. I try and try to move things with my mind, but to no avail. I guess I'll just have to walk over there...

It's been a while, but here goes...

2005-11-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

Paula, the Chicken Lady, is my evil twin. I know that she plots to take over the Southern United States from her tattered tent because I dream her plans. She started shacking up with Goblin Boy because her relationship with the geek, Jeremy Bilge, was becoming violent in a bad way. And Goblin Boy makes a lot of money in the sideshow.

Paula wrote me a letter once from El Paso telling me about how she wanted to join the cootch show, but they wouldn't let her. I guess no one wanted to see her do the blowoff. She has real skinny legs and feathery tail. Her last words to me were "that bitch Fanny is gonna see what happens when you mess with Paula." I truly hope that the cootch dancers are friends with the strong man.

Sometimes I wonder why she wasn't destroyed at birth. My parents said that she only had slight physical abnormalities but anyone could see that she was evil. Those nights waking up with her perched on my chest, staring at me with those beady eyes and greasy thoughts will forever be burned into my mind. No one believed me when she pecked out the eye of our neighbor Tommy or ate an entire 50 lb. bag of farina. We were always taught to be nice to the "special" kids and so everyone in the neighborhood looked the other way when she pooped in the baptismal font or frayed the rope swing one summer.

I once read that in Indonesia chickens are important to the Hindu cremation ceremony. During the ceremony the chicken is supposed to channel any evil spirits in the area. If there are any spirits they should go into the chicken instead of any of the attendant family members. I wonder if something went wrong during one of these ceremonies and the evil-spirit-chicken became Paula in my ma's womb.

One of these days I know that she will come looking for me. It will be soon; I can feel it. Until then I can only sit and wait and sharpen my axe and hope that I have the courage to do what's right when the time comes. This is what she looks like in case she comes around.

oh dear

2005-11-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

Lin is leaving for New York tonight, so I met him and Joe and Jess at the LowBrow Lounge for my "lunch break." Three jack's and ginger later I am back at work and it is not good. Sex is coursing through my veins; I am exuding. Whiskey gives me a naughty, dirty, yummy zing. I must separate myself from all of the male gender. All I would need to do in order to command a nice warm slab of man flesh would be a gesture. "You, come here right now." And lightning of a sort would shoot from my fingers and ensnare the unsuspecting specimen.

BRB

I just had an awesome conversation with Noel (no ensnaring) and he said that best friends are the ones that just get you and that lovers are strange psychological experiments. Brilliant.

The heart of darkness.

2005-10-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

No one is really sure where the ring came from. It just showed up in the house, sitting quietly on the cabinet in the bathroom. I thought it was one of Jessica's crazy rings, but she says it's not hers.

The gold-colored setting is adjustable and is crowned by an oval dome of clear resin. Beneath the resin is a flat plane of black with a few bits of glitter here and there. Gwynne never wears gold, so it can't be hers.

Yesterday when I was getting dressed, I chose the ring instead of my usual silver cuff bracelet. Now, I am not extremely superstitious, but I’ve read enough trash and seen enough movies to be wary of mysterious jewelry; I just felt that it was a ring day. Everyone believed it to be a mood ring, but the color never changed during my zesty walk to work. And though the plane of black and sparkle remained the same, I was in quite a nice mood.

I was sitting at the loading dock during my break and enjoying the Forsyte Saga, the sun and a cig. Looking down at the ring, I thought that perhaps it would change in the sun. No color change. “But wait,” I thought, “what is that in there?” I peered down through the resin, carefully scrutinizing the dome. Nothing. Then I turned it sideways and looked at an angle through the clear bump. Embedded atop the black not-so-moody-mood-ring plane is a small black heart. About the thickness of a sharpie line, the heart sits smugly and almost hidden in the ring. Why would someone embed a black heart in the midst of a ring? Did the ring once change with mood?

As I am sure my friend Charley Sunshine can attest, the color of my heart has often come into question. Or, as Professor Trelawney said to Hermione (and Charley looked knowingly my way), "You may be young in years but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave." To this I protest. If indeed the ring is a sign that my heart is black, I must imagine that despite its unfortunate color, the organ does its job.

Perhaps having a black heart is not all that bad. At least for now it is only on my finger and not lying withered in my chest or pulsating wildly on my sleeve.

Dearly Beloved, we Are Gathered Here Today...

2005-10-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I like this word: Susurrus. Onomatopoeia. Susurration gives me the wiggins. In a good way.

I don't like this word: Ain't. Not because it recalls my redneck childhood surroundings, but because I don't understand how one makes a contraction of "am not," into "ain't." Wouldn't it be "ai not"?

Last night I drank some wine and watched an episode of the third season of Six Feet Under with Flux the feline. Not many shows can make me laugh out loud in solitude or cry to a blubbering point. Or maybe that's just what I needed last night. A release in the form of a gay man's funeral. It was really very sad. "I just want it to be worth it," said David to Keith. Me too. If I end up sharing a large portion of my life with someone, I just want it to be worth it.

Then we began to watch Purple Rain which is a VERY VERY good/bad movie. Cheese factor: monstrous. I just can't ever get over the fact that his highness is such a very small man.

Tonight: cake baking, house cleaning, Buffy watching, dinner making, dress-up, booty shaking.

Me and my shadow.

2005-09-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

I like this word: Penumbra

The word for shadow in French is "ombre" but sometimes that reminds me of "hombre" which is a Spanish word and Je ne parle pas l'espangol...

Penumbra. The word rolls off of my tongue and I think of mine. The fuzzy, not completely shadowy, part of me. This weather puts my heart and soul in the mood for penumbra, and tea, and reading for days while it rains, and huddling with friends in cozy corners to discuss the meaning of everthing.

Fall. A time for fantasy because of the penumbra. The searing sun of summer chases fantasy to its cave and focuses on the hyper-real, or surreal. When the leaves begin to fall and the days grow shorter, this is when fantasy comes stealthily creeping. When the rain falls for days, it is fantasy that keeps me warm and sane.

Last night, in a funk of moroseness, I sequestered myself and watched more The West Wing. When I realized that I couldn't go on without eating, I fixed a can of (god it pains me to admit this) reduced sodium Cream of Mushroom soup. Never in my life have I eaten something so tasteless and stale that was actually meant for consumption. I did not care. I ate the entire bowl and mopped up the last broth(?) with rosemary bread, a last vestige of my market bounty. Fall is coming, I realized.

Bartlet for President '08

2005-08-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

It rained today. No, it poured, and I loved it. Okay, so I was inside all day, but work was frighteningly busy and crazy, so the drumming on the roof was soothing. And then I got high off of some tape. I had no idea that 3M made something that revolting. Isaac, one of the new teachers, was telling me that he thinks masking tape smells like salmon and blue tape like blueberries. Whatever this rubbery white tape was, it totally made me simultaneously queasy and giddy.

Now I am home. It's quiet.

Laundry?
Dishes?
Crafts?

Oh, who am I kidding. I am going to make a tuna sammy and a cocktail, put on some pants that don't squeeze the life out of me, and watch season 3 of the West Wing. I'm entitled dammit! I am currently coming down from a severe tape high and I think I deserve a little White House baloney. I still can't fast forward to the second chapter until I see the face of Rob Lowe. I am so warped from my training. The theme song is like Pavlov's bell and I immediately begin drooling for Cheetos. Only the drool doesn't pour through a spigot in my cheek.

The good thing about rainy, chilly weather and not doing my laundry is that all I have left in my closet are things that one would wear when it's a wee bit nippy. Yay, I get to put off the laundry thing for a couple of days.

Previously on the West Wing...

Hot pussy action.

2005-08-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

Jessica Zodrow, the shit in my humble opinion, will be starring in the world premiere of "Dreampuffs of Lorna" at Stark Raving Theatre here in the delicious land of port. The play is a very dark and strange comedy about war, cats, and love.

September 9 - October 8. Yay! (Really, I'm posting this because I like the promo photo and I think everyone should go.)

When I see you smile...

2005-08-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the bums make my day. Maybe they aren't all bums, but junkies, former junkies, the downtrodden, or just plain tattered. Perhaps the bums that I encounter are just particularly nice. Oh dear, maybe they feel some kinship with me when they mistake the Britney song that I was singing under my breath for the inchoate ramblings of a pre-schizoid mind. Maybe they're not wrong. I do talk to myself all the time despite many warnings that it makes you look "crazy."

There's a blond man who sits near the diner on Broadway who said "Hey sister, smile!"
I smiled and he replied "You have a lovely smile."
"Thanks!" I shouted and marched on to work.

Yesterday a limping and bedraggled man saved me from a three-way collision with speed-walkers, a businessman, and a bus when he stopped in the street, made space for me, and said "go ahead kid." I smiled, 'cause sometimes it's nice to be called "kid" in a non-creepy manner. "Have a nice day," the man said and I waved at him as I avoided the businessman. Mr. Businessman wouldn't have yielded any sidewalk to me unless I elbowed him in the ribs. Stupid blazer-with-shorts-and[ewww]-flipflops wearing, bullshit spewing, "I was speaking to Jones and his annual poopedycrap isn't blahdideblah. I said that it just isn't alllllllluring to me." Ew. Maybe I do sound a bit like your run-of-the-mill down-and-outer. [Shit, I love using hyphenated words and phrases. I bet I use them erroneously but have a look at my I-don't-care face.]

A bum, reeking of booze, with crazy hair was sitting on the corner curb next to PNCA. Both times that I walked by he said "hey honey" in a way that made me think that he knew me. I think that he mistook my stinky armpits for mating musk and wanted to start a little bum family.

Okay, so not all les miserables are as nice as the few that brighten my walk to work. there was the guy who projectile puked from a park bench at 10 a.m.; the guy in the flasher outfit that stared at me with crazy-eyes and then said in a gravelly voice, "alright, let's get this started" as he walked headlong toward me; or the toothless woman that cooed "hey honey, how're you doing tonight?" as I was saying happy birthday to my grandma. On my first visit to New York I yelled at a bum because he asked for money, I denied him, he whined "but it's cold," and I yelled back "I know it's fucking cold!" I am an asshole. But it was very very cold. I was by myself in Manhattan, in December, with no where to go but Starbucks[ick], there was a potential MTA strike and I only had a couple of bucks.

Anyway, in other news:
I got a promotion (it's weak, but it'll do for now)
I am buying a sweet wee lappy from my dear friend Nik
I only have one market left (saturday)
It's my day off
My hair falls out all over the place and it's really pissing me off
Ben and I are going to make a music video
My kittens are cute
Jess has the day off too
I need to do laundry
There is french-press coffee in my mouth. Yes!
I now have instant messaging again [yay], so hit me up for my info if you wanna chat.
As long as you promise not to send me any of those terrifying smiley faces.

Three Scenes: Part One

2005-08-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

Three scenes in and around Ashland involving:

Me--28, narrator
Caitlin--24, my sister
Pete--23, my brother

Aurelia--27, my other sister, somehow does not figure into any of these scenes probably because a) she was in Colorado, b) she was staying home with Katherine, my niece, or c) she's ornery in general.

Note: These scenes are not quite verbatim because many times they involved alcohol, disbelief, and my siblings who are a bit crazy. I'm also not certain about chronological order...

SCENE 1
Ashland, Oregon. Possibly early fall, but I'm not sure. Peter, Caitlin and I were walking toward the Beau Club, Ashland's diviest dive. If your night ends with the Dirty Beau, you could 1. vomit, 2. forget things, 3. get in a fight, 4. see people you might not want to see. It was the afternoon and I remember giggling, so we must've come from a bar.

Peter: Caitlin, I don't think it's very cool that you cheated on Gunther.

Me: Pete, wait a minute, didn't you, like, cheat on all of your girlfriends?

Peter: (Indignant) No, I've never cheated on anyone.

Caitlin: (Very annoyed) Um, Pete, I'm pretty sure I was there when you cheated on one of them and I know for a fact about a few others.

Peter: Well, maybe just a couple of times, but look how many people I've been with.

Me--start laughing, can't stop, eyes watering, almost peeing.

Me: (After catching my breath) So... the more people you date, the less the cheating matters? This is how it works?

Caitlin: (Seething, stops Peter in the middle of the sidewalk and points her finger in his face.) Peter, don't even presume to be smarter than me.

Me--(resume laughing) That was beautiful.

(My brother is sometimes a very large asshole.)

The Disappointment: an Update

2005-08-09T10:37:00.001-07:00

Update on The Disappointment [See post from Thursday, 21 July for back story]:
A few days ago my boss says
"I don't want to make you feel worse, but I have something to tell you..."
Shit, I thought she was about to tell me that my position had been cut or something.
(NOTE: my boss doesn't like the term "boss" but prefers "colleague," so sometimes I call her "comrade" or "la capitaine" as a compromise. But I'll stick with "boss" here.)

Weeeell, it turns out that the Librarian from Dream-Job wrote my boss an e-mail saying that she had received 130 applications, and that three of the people had used my boss as a reference. One of the 3 people turned in his application on wednesday; I know this to be true from inside information. Now, what kind of person tells me on Monday that they will not accept any more applications because they already had 95? Further, what kind of person would I have been to submit an application after learning this information directly from the person in charge of hiring? "Here's my application, Librarian Lady, even though you told me not to apply." How the hell was I supposed to know that she would accept 35 more and then contact my boss! I am so mad. My boss wrote some vague comments about the applicants but told the Librarian that it's a shame she didn't accept my application because I would have been great. ha!

Anyway, my conclusion is this: fuck Portland. I am applying for graduate school in New York and if I don't get in will probably move anyway. If I sell my car [which I won't need in NY anyway] I should have enough to move cross-country and live for a couple of months.

[Difficulties selling car will be touched upon in a post to come.]

It's been a couple of weeks since I found out about the 130, but I am still seething. My dad wants to write a scathing letter, and while I would love to read such a missive, I don't think it's a good idea.

Now, back to shelving books in my pitifully-paying job where I will dream of Brooklyn, new shoes, and a library of my own.

Family stuff

2005-08-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Ah Thursday. The day of sleeping in. Tonight there's the market and my wee, sweet brother is coming into town. Okay, that's a lie. He is coming, but he is neither wee or sweet. Heh. No, he is sweet sometimes. We shall see if he deigns to hang out with his fogey of a sister. Apparently, on saturday, his friend's birthday party will have a keg and strippers. Woo! Alright, sarcasm will get me nowhere. I want the boy to spend some time at my house where he can hop on the MAX and be downtown in minutes, or take a short walk and be in a fun neighborhood. I think he's just sad from his most recent breakup and wants to get drunk and make out with some stupid chicks. Understandable.

He still expects me to drive home on sunday (approximately a 5 hour jaunt down I-5), so I will fulfill one of my summer dreams. My parents live in Rogue River. I mean to find a swimmin' hole and glory in the freezing water during a 105 degree day. Oh yes. Plus my dad says that they have a plastic kiddy pool, so if I don't find a swimmin' hole, I can sit in that. Yeah. Whatever happens, I aim to romp with my favorite dogs, Pip and Buddy, immerse my bikini-clad body in water, and basically revel in the warm glow that is the parental environment. I will probably get shit from my mom about The Disappointment (which has new information), but still, they will feed me, dad will detail my car, and I will talk to the chickens and eat tomatoes from the vine. Yay!

Excellent! I just talked to my sister, Caitlin, and Pete and I are going to pick her up in Eugene on the way south on sunday. It will be fun.

Reach for the Stars

2005-08-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

I was eating my Gardenburger when I realized that my paper towel has inspirational sayings on it. Gone are the days of cute pink teddy bears, American flags, or sprigs of spring flowers. Who needs a self-help book when millions of quilted rectangles of paper say "Live Life to its Fullest" or "Follow Your Heart and Your Dreams Will Come True." Am I so spiritually bankrupt that I need pithy adages on something that wipes the mayo from my face and fingers? Am I weird for being slightly offended by my paper towels?

As of 7:35 p.m. today, I had only smoked one cigarette. That was at 8:45 a.m. on my way to work and it made me feel nasty. Granted, I was smoking a most unsatisfying, au naturel American Spirit, but I thought that perhaps I needed a break. I did not buy any during the day, so my periodic smoke-breaks were out. I didn't even really want one on the way home from work, but I decided to buy a pack just in case. After my delicious dinner, I thought, "hey, an after dinner ciggy might be nice." So I pull the pack from my bag and proceeded to eagerly tear off the cellophane pull-tab. In my moment of addiction I considered tossing the wrapper onto the table and heading directly outside. What kind of thing is this that I would be willing to callously sully my home-environment with careless piles of wrappings? It was a nice experiment, this not smoking thing, but after only eleven hours, the craziness had already set in. "They" say that the first few days are the worst. That's probably true. If I follow my paper towel, I should "Live, Love, Laugh." Doesn't smoking severely inhibit these things in the long run? Eh, poo. Who listens to napkins anyway?

I found a dime in the washing machine today. It's always a dime; never a Susan B. or a shiny quarter. I wonder if dimes are the over-looked coin. So small and thin. Maybe people miss them when they are cleaning out their pockets on laundry day. Maybe it's the same dime every time. I find it, put it in my pocket, toss my pants on the floor, do laundry, and the cycle begins again.

On my way up the stairs from the basement I encountered Mr. Gub'ment Man. He lives on the first floor and drives a nondescript white car. His white, collared shirt and black slacks are always so neatly pressed. Sometimes a raucous and smoky-voiced woman is in his apartment. We call that "Bud-lite Night." I can never understand what she's saying, but she always sounds raspy and wasted. Last day-before-garbage day, I saw Mr. Gub'ment Man carting approximately 60 cans of Bud-lite to his Gub'ment car. I wish I new what Ms. Bud-lite looks like.