the master cleanse

Warning: the following blogs will probably contain references to bodily functions.

Yesterday was Day One of biannual cleanse. Bill began on thursday. Thursday I celebrated the beginning of spring break by eating a juicy cheeseburger and drinking a fewish beers. Not the best way to prepare oneself for a cleanse, but there you have it. Friday morning began with a low-level headache that persisted in varying intensity throughout the day.

My volunteer gig as a reader for SMART went smoothly until the girl I read with asked, "did the dinosaurs all die because they didn't listen to Jesus?" How does one answer a question like that? My instinct was, "well, the dinosaurs all lived before Jesus." But I was experiencing a distinct tightness behind my eyes and couldn't think well on the fly.

Here's the concoction I'm cleansing with, including our variations at the end:
Stanley Burroughs' Master Cleanser
(from Staying Healthy with the Seasons, by Elton Haas, M.D.)

2 tbs fresh squeezed lemon juice or lime juice
1-2 tbs pure maple syrup
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper
8 oz spring water

Bill likes it less sweet, so he puts in less maple syrup. We use grade B because we read somewhere that it has more nutrients than grade A due it being less refined. Also, in the efforts of full disclosure, we don't use fresh squeezed lemon. Instead we use Santa Cruz Organic lemon juice. It's 100 % pure, not from concentrate and costs less than buying lemons. With lemons between 79 and 89-cents each, it would cost at least $13 for as many lemons (16). Cayenne is to taste.

Last night I had some laxative tea. I made one from scratch with senna, a little ginkgo for brain power, and some chamomile for flavor and relaxation.

2 tsp senna
2 tsp chamomile
1 tsp gingko

Steeped for about 10-15 minutes. I also took one dosage of Super Colon Cleanse. I'm not sure which was the impetus for my "elimination" but it worked.

Saturday, day two
I woke up with a headache and decided to go straight to an internal salt water bath/intestinal cleanse. This is one of the most disgusting things ever. You'd think that during a cleanse a little salt would be a treat. At first it's like a salty warm broth, but after about 24 ounces and more to go, it's soooo gross. I didn't make it through all 32 ounces because the headache is already making me feel nauseous. I am now waiting for the effects of the "bath". NOte: don't leave the house for about an hour after drinking the salt water. Unless you're near a toilet and you're super comfortable there.

2 tsp sea salt
1 quart (32 oz) lukewarm water
drink it all in one sitting, first thing in the morning.

As soon as the elimination process is over, I'll drink some (very welcome) lemonade concoction and watch some more x files. There's a certain point when I do this cleanse where the headaches, irritability, food thoughts, and grumpiness go away and the euphoria sets in. I can't wait for that part. Until then, I'm going to hole up and watch dvds.